Vous and Tu

Unlike English, French has different ways to say "you": "vous", which is either plural or formal, and "tu", the informal, singular you. As a teenager learning French, the vast majority of my interactions were "tu" -- so I had to consciously teach myself to use "vous" after returning as an adult. And now, as an older adult, I find myself being addressed far more often as "vous" than I used to.

Meanwhile, when I first got here, I couldn't get the hang of how to decide when it was ok to say "tu". How long did you need to know someone before you could do it? How did you 'test the waters' to make sure you weren't being impolite? After three weeks in France, and a bunch of faux pas, I think I'm finally getting the hang of this. A few observations:

• "Vous" seems to be used mostly with people who are newly introduced, or who don't yet know each others' names -- for instance, a shopkeeper, or the person sitting next to you on a train or an airplane. It is more common among older people, or from a younger person to an older person.

• The French verb for using "tu" is "tutoyer". The magic phrase is to ask, "ça vous gene si on se tutoit"? After a day or so, or even after learning the person's name and establishing a rapport, it's fine to ask to tutoyer -- especially if you know you will be spending time together.  I have yet to ask and have someone decline the opportunity.

• Some people (especially young people, but also, for instance, everyone at Le Mas Perdu) seem to use "tu" deliberately as a kind of political statement. (I'm not entirely sure how I would characterize the statement: a rejection of status, maybe, or an assertion of equality.) At the games cafe, for example, Au Bonheur des Jeux, the owners and other players all immediately used "tu" with me, without even asking.